Counting On Season 8 Premiere: Recap of "It's All Greek to Me"

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…Jana is still single.

OK, recap over, let’s move on to the show.

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Josiah has bought more deodorant due to his new friend Lauren Swanson, and Michelle and Jim Bob watch from afar.

Look at that throwback photo of them on the left side, yikes. Despite the spin-off being more tolerable because of their relative absense, it’s a sobering reminder of what legacy we’re following. Also v weird to have that picture next to you as you’re brushing your teeth.

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The Duggars and Duggar-in-Laws go to the only resturaunt in Arkansas: MarketPlace Grille.

It takes Joy-Anna like three minutes before she mentions the Chocolate Mess.

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Lauren and Josiah have done it for “five hours one day.”

…oh, video chat, I mean. Jessa is so jealous of this, she tells the talking head that the longest they’ve talked on the phone was one hour, before pausing hard and following up with, “We have longer phone conversations.”

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Lauren has been in town for two weeks, by the way.

We know from deep-diving and episode exposition that the Duggars and the Swansons have been friends for years. Still, hearing that the family just conveinently moved here seems super suspicious when it comes to, you know, a show that’s only moving plot is kids getting married and having babies. Like, “Hey guys, here’s our new character Lauren Swanson, she’s just been cast in the role of ‘Josiah’s girlfriend.'”

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Someone had to the audacity to ask Jana what she thinks of her brother’s 18-year-old girlfriend.

It’s hard to keep up with all the side-eyes ping-ponging back and forth.

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FYI, Joe and Kendra “enjoy being married” and you know what that means.

This is such a Duggar-couple family trait. The producer will ask the pair if they’ve gotten “beyond side-hugs” or something and the newlyweds will grin at each other and make some veiled comment about how they do the sex now.

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But it’s all not wild passion, you guys, they “wuv” each other.

Gentle reminder that I’ve left water cups in my room longer than Kendra’s existed.

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Ben is the only Duggar or Duggar-adjacent person who knows a few Greek Gods.

That’s what happens when you knock out a few years of college, look how proud he is.

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One subplot is “Jinger and Jeremy draw pictures of each other.”

A gentle reminder that they’re still on the show, plus it gives them something to do before Jinger’s inevitable pregnancy story arc.

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Then they force everyone to draw their kin and Austin really captured Joy’s broad shoulders and bangs.

Lovely.

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Although Ben and Jessa’s one minute sketches aren’t that bad?

I, too, like that Jessa’s glowing, true to her radioactive nature.

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As far as Jinger and Jeremy’s pictures went, she “appreciated the detail.”

She hated it.

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Kendra’s like, “I have never been on a subway before. First for me. Most things are.”

Which I mean, I know this, Kendra looks like she was harvest from the Cabbage Patch two weeks ago.

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Who is this woman showing Kendra and Joe testicles?

Oh, it’s just a walking tour guide taking the couple on a trip through the meat market, how whimsical.

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Joe and Kendra start Titanic-ing even though Jim Bob and Michelle shield their kids from pop culture.

Titanic-ing is just enough of a phenomenon in itself that they picked it up from someone else, probably. After all, those two aren’t going to watch a movie with boobs.

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When we check back in with the Duggar girls, for what seems to be their monthly pedicure update.

To catch everyone up to speed, Jessa’s celebrating three years of marriage, Joy-Anna is five months pregnant…

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…and Jana is still single.

That is the face of sublimated rage, my friends. Like, why do they even torture her with these invites?

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There’s a short skit about Ben dealing with a hysterical Henry, and eventually the kid passes out in his high chair.

To keep his head safe, Ben sandwiches some kind of frog(?) stuffed animals between the seats. That’s…cute, I guess.

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You know who also looks like she’s ready to pass out? Joy.

Things have been great and all but, “I’ve just been tired a lot.” Seriously, every time we get a close-up of Joy-Joy she really looks like she’s challenging the meaning of her name.

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Ben cooks up what is probably the healthiest meal on the show and it’s disorienting.

Can’t tell if that’s apple juice or (gasp!) beer in their glasses (probably not). The line-up, however, is remarkably well-rounded for a Duggar couple. Steak, fresh greens, even quinoa. Like this is such a departure from the world of Tater Tot Casseroles and other depressing recipes that I’m almost confused about what family I’m watching…
…OH, JILL‘S NOT ON THE SHOW ANYMORE.
That’s right.